Round and Round We Go...

In an attempt to jumpstart my quiet time, I decided this morning to start reading a Proverbs a day. This morning, I read Proverbs 9 and verses 8 and 9 struck me: "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee. Rebuke a wiseman, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser. Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning."

Yesterday, I tried for an hour to rebuke a scorner. At the kitchen table we sat, going round in round in circles debating different sides of an issue. I was desperately trying to prove my point and she was desperately trying to prove hers. We both had something at stake. I had my point to prove; she had an impending punishment to avoid. I felt like a boxer attempting to figuring out where to jab and figuring out where to put my gloves to defend the hits.

This was not an argument; it was a discussion. A discussion with tears flowing and begging for a second chance and a chance to get it right. The problem? There had already been second, third, and fourth chances. Why did I feel like I had to show, in great detail, that my thought process was valid?

Finally, I just decided that the conversation was going nowhere. The reaction of defense increasingly became more and more random and desperate. It was time to end the discussion. This was met with more tears.

Funny, I vaguely remember being on the defense before. I remember crying tears of desperation. I also remember the feeling of the line being drawn and hearing "This is my final answer". I was crushed. Truth be told, I remember giving a furious fight too, even more so than the one I put up with yesterday. I remember it being a duel to the death. I had to win, I had to escape punishment, and I had to avoid getting pinned down with my sin.

...."Rebuke not a scorner"....hmmm

Some things just don't need to be debated. Why? Because the debate is not central to the point. Wrongdoing has consequences....period.

This must be why God gets silent on me when I'm looking for Him to validate some choice I would like to make when I KNOW it is not in His will. This must be why I stop searching the Scriptures when I don't really want to know His answer to a question that I have. This must be why the Word doesn't speak to me when I'm looking into it to confirm decisions I would like to make. God doesn't shed super-duper light to people who aren't really interested in following it.

My mother has always said, "When you don't know what to do, just follow the light that you have". This wonderful advice has always worked - assuming that I'm looking for the light. If I'm looking for an excuse to go my own way, I end up going round and round in my own head, searching for pros and cons, looking for reasons to supplement the end result at which I'd like to arrive. God doesn't give instruction to someone who is wallowing in foolishness.

My heart must be sincere in order to receive full, unadulterated wisdom from the Lord. This thought is what I ended up sharing yesterday with the precious, young-adult soul entrusted to me. "I'd love to talk, I'd love to explain, I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I'll do that when you are ready to receive it and truly desire to understand how to make better decisions." The conversation was over, the tears dried up, and gradually, throughout the day, both of our spirits were mended and softened towards one another.

The punishment stands - not because I want to be a meanie but because I am responsible to Someone Greater than myself for training, guiding, and directing this beautiful young lady that is living for a short time with me.

I love how I can learn to parent as I watch the God, the ultimate Father, parent me!