"Ticker not updated in 80 days".
"Please update"
"Please update"
For 80 days I've been suffering in a bloggy secret silence kind of way about what is going on with my weight. For 80 days, I've been contemplating how much of my personal life I should really put here on this blog. For 80 days, I've been grimacing each time I step on the scale.
There is always this running battle of exactly how honest one should be when sharing about their life on their blog. I personally want to be honest enough to encourage others by the lessons I learn as I work my way through my life. I want to be honest enough to let other moms know that they are not the only ones going through stuff. I want to be honest enough to allow what God is doing in and with me to help someone else out in their walk. But let's be real people. I would be a crazy woman if I enjoyed telling the world about the not-so-great parts of me.
Well today is Sunday and maybe because it's the day I'm regularly scheduled to hear God's truth, I feel compelled to be truthful, to be real, and to be transparent. Hear goes.
Things aren't rosy in the weight loss department.
You know how when your kids are off doing something they shouldn't do, their very abnormal silence tells you that they are doing something they aren't supposed to. I mean, the fact that they are so quiet is actually the indicator that things aren't quite right! And as I'm sure some of you have already noticed, I AIN'T BEEN SAYING NUTHIN' ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY.
That's because I'm not losing weight. In fact, I'm gaining...again :(
So, I've re-adjusted my ticker and am completely running the risk of complete embarrassment. I mean my family reads this blog as well as a host of friends in real life. Now when they see me, they'll know for sure that what they think they have been seeing is actually a verified fact. (Sigh)
Here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
After our road trip in August, things never got back to normal. My weight loss goals were working partly because of routine. Once my routine got turned upside down, so did the habits and practices that were contributing to my weight loss. I stopped regularly going to the gym. My taste for fried and fast foods returned with a vengeance. My love affair with chocolate chip cookies heated up (did anyone know that Whataburger has the BEST chocolate chip cookies?). And Starbucks has collected more money from me in the past four months than they have in the last two years.
The bottom line is that I'm addicted to food - not just sugar - but ALL FOODS overall. Just like a person who is an alcoholic is always an alcoholic, I will always be addicted to food. No matter how long I'm clean, my return to my sickness is only one indulgence away. It only takes one "drink" of my wonderful White Chocolate Mocha, with extra whip, served up in a Grande cup, to make me a regular in the drive-thru for weeks to come.
I've been in a battle and I'm losing miserably.
So, maybe now that I've admitted it I'll feel compelled to do something about it. Is there anyone else who wants to join me on a "I've gotta beat this addiction" journey. Maybe if I have someone to hold me accountable I'll do better.
There is always this running battle of exactly how honest one should be when sharing about their life on their blog. I personally want to be honest enough to encourage others by the lessons I learn as I work my way through my life. I want to be honest enough to let other moms know that they are not the only ones going through stuff. I want to be honest enough to allow what God is doing in and with me to help someone else out in their walk. But let's be real people. I would be a crazy woman if I enjoyed telling the world about the not-so-great parts of me.
Well today is Sunday and maybe because it's the day I'm regularly scheduled to hear God's truth, I feel compelled to be truthful, to be real, and to be transparent. Hear goes.
Things aren't rosy in the weight loss department.
You know how when your kids are off doing something they shouldn't do, their very abnormal silence tells you that they are doing something they aren't supposed to. I mean, the fact that they are so quiet is actually the indicator that things aren't quite right! And as I'm sure some of you have already noticed, I AIN'T BEEN SAYING NUTHIN' ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY.
That's because I'm not losing weight. In fact, I'm gaining...again :(
So, I've re-adjusted my ticker and am completely running the risk of complete embarrassment. I mean my family reads this blog as well as a host of friends in real life. Now when they see me, they'll know for sure that what they think they have been seeing is actually a verified fact. (Sigh)
Here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
After our road trip in August, things never got back to normal. My weight loss goals were working partly because of routine. Once my routine got turned upside down, so did the habits and practices that were contributing to my weight loss. I stopped regularly going to the gym. My taste for fried and fast foods returned with a vengeance. My love affair with chocolate chip cookies heated up (did anyone know that Whataburger has the BEST chocolate chip cookies?). And Starbucks has collected more money from me in the past four months than they have in the last two years.
The bottom line is that I'm addicted to food - not just sugar - but ALL FOODS overall. Just like a person who is an alcoholic is always an alcoholic, I will always be addicted to food. No matter how long I'm clean, my return to my sickness is only one indulgence away. It only takes one "drink" of my wonderful White Chocolate Mocha, with extra whip, served up in a Grande cup, to make me a regular in the drive-thru for weeks to come.
I've been in a battle and I'm losing miserably.
So, maybe now that I've admitted it I'll feel compelled to do something about it. Is there anyone else who wants to join me on a "I've gotta beat this addiction" journey. Maybe if I have someone to hold me accountable I'll do better.
7 comments:
UUUHHH, yah .. I can't hold you accountable until I come clean. And, uh .. I don't plan to do that until ummmm January.... after New Year's Day. I AIN'T gonna kid myself .. I know what I have the fridge and freezer and I just got my ham from Honeybaked and I about to bake some sugar cookies, soooooooo .. I will walk a new journey with you in 2008. Just being real. :)
Hi Chrystal - This is my first time leaving you a comment - although I've read quite a bit of your blog. I just felt compelled to say that I somewhat understand. You see, I'm a recovering alcoholic - and in some ways it's probably easier for me because I have to practice abstinence. With a food addiction, one must practice moderation - whole different story! I could never practice moderation with alcohol, no, would not work! I so feel for you! It's been said that addiction is a symptom of a deeper, spiritual issue. And, there is a spiritual solution! I pray that you find this solution. You can do it one day at a time - with progress, not perfection. You may want to check to see if there are any Overeater Anonymous meetings near you. I wish you all the best!
Linda
Count me in! (But like Jai, starting AFTER the first. Waayyy too many tempting goodies still in the house. lol)
Oh. And I too have an unhealthy love for the White Chocolate Mochas.
I haven't been to your blog for a few months, but I am so where you are! You are not alone. I would love to help keep you accountable and vice versa!
Chrystal,
I shed tears as I read this story. I appreciate your honesty and do sympathize with you on each point you made. My weight loss journey is just what it is a journey. I LOVE FOOD! I mean GOOD FOOD! Like you it's not surgar it's just good food. I am on a journey to loose atleast 20lbs before my 20year class reunion cruise in March (week after Easter)...There are so many toughts/emotions running in my head now I think I'll just stop and end with saying that...I have am confident in my role as a wife, mother, co-worker, friend, daughter, sister but I am not sure why I don't have the confidence in myself to do what's right by all of those listed and just take care of my health..These extra pounds are not good for me at all!
Hi Chrystal, I'm Jo, I came across your blog via the SL website. I'm struggling with the whole weight loss thing as well, and have come to realise that I have had sinful patterns of eating for years, it's just that as I have gotten older the effects are more obvious and I am gaining weight. The girltalk blog (great site!) had a great series about eating for the glory of God which was incredibly challenging. It is in their archives called FoodTalk under Food and Recipes. Elyse Fitzpatrick's Love to Eat, Hate to Eat was helpful to me, as well as a couple of chapters in Jerry Bridges' The Pursuit of Holiness. I have realised that for it really is a sin issue, a lack of self-control and not glorifying to God. And lack of dominion in that area flows over to make me weaker in other areas...it's bigger than just trying harder and hoping to do better. It is manifestly clear that that does not work for me!!
All the best as you seek him. Jo
Sorry, I have left an anonymous response as I don't know how to do it otherwise!!
Glad to know that I am not in this struggle alone! Thanks you sooo much for your transparency. I love it!!
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