The Heart Check Sheet

Here's a post about a practical tool that I use to help me and my kiddos stay on the same page as it relates to my expectations and their actions and attitudes. In raising our children it is easy to get enraptured in getting them to "do" the right thing or "behave" the right way and all the while miss making sure that their hearts are in the right place at the same time.

I had been finding it difficult to communicate with my teenager about my standards without nagging and I really want to avoid nagging as much as possible. Why it is so difficult for parents not to preach...I don't know but...it is. I knew I had communicated clearly about my standards but found that there was just real measuring stick on a daily basis other than my boiling point.

I had heard many times about people with smaller children having some kind of reward system but my Gracie is a little too old for tokens and stuff :) I was really searching for something that would allow her to know when she had a good day and also to help her to see exactly what had caused an upset on any given day.

I didn't want to make my communication with her only punitive in nature. My daughter is overall...REALLY a good kid but she is a young woman and consequently learning how to continue in her childhood obedience as well as handle her emotions and attitude. My desire was to encourage and reward her good efforts at controlling outward expressions of inward feelings. However, I didn't want to slip into the pattern of holding a carrot on a stick just to get her through the day with a good attitude. So...the tool that has helped us was born.

The system is simple. For each character area that I have determined to be one worth refining, she can earn a point each day if she does well, if she does poorly, she can lose a point, and if it's a draw, she earns nothing. According to the number of areas we had most recently, Gracie could earn a total of 7 daily points. That is a possible 49 points a week. The reward is the key. Gracie likes one on one time with me. So, I agreed that I would take her out to eat for every 50 points she earns. At increments of 50, 100, 150, etc., I have agreed to treat her. I explained that it probably won't be an expensive restaurant or anything, just a simple cheap dinner out for just the two of us.

Using this chart has made life easier. Not only is there a communication tool besides my nagging and fussing, there is also way for her to feel like her efforts are noticed. This little point system makes life easier in spots that would normally been major points of contention. I have a spot for comments at the bottom so this way I can tell her in detail (in a defined space) what I noticed (good or bad) about her day.

So here is the Heart Check Sheet for your perusal. It is in Word format so you can edit and personalize it. Hope it helps someone!