Happy Birthday To Me!!!

I figured the start of a new year for me is as good a day as any to return to blogging!

I lot can happen when you take a half a year off from blogging with regularity :)

Check out the new ticker at the top of my blog page :)

We'll have FIVE in our clan come November!

I don't know yet if I'll strive for daily posts or simply posts when I feel like it but I definitely misss my blogging habit (addiction) and will try to indulge myself without neglecting the rest of my life :)

Hit me! Send me a comment to let me know you are still there!

Voddie Baucham on YouTube

I've mentioned Voddie Baucham on my blog before. If you want to be challenged about the importance of family in light of the crucial transfer of spiritual heritage, you can read my review of Voddie's recent book Family Driven Faith, OR you can check out one of his messages by following the link in this post, OR you can check him out on YouTube. Hit me back and let me hear your thoughts and reflections.

A Good Description...

This is just so good...I can completely relate. From XBOX WIFE. This is Mrs Brownstone's description:

Between being a housekeeper, a cook, a chauffeur, a washer woman, a tailor, a nanny, a teacher, a tutor, a secretary, a gopher, a banker, a nurse, a wife, a lover, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, an aunt, a friend, a provider, a volunteer, a church helper, a prayer warrior, a cheerleader, a psychologist, an organizer, and a social activities director...I don't have time for a paying job!

The Heart Check Sheet

Here's a post about a practical tool that I use to help me and my kiddos stay on the same page as it relates to my expectations and their actions and attitudes. In raising our children it is easy to get enraptured in getting them to "do" the right thing or "behave" the right way and all the while miss making sure that their hearts are in the right place at the same time.

I had been finding it difficult to communicate with my teenager about my standards without nagging and I really want to avoid nagging as much as possible. Why it is so difficult for parents not to preach...I don't know but...it is. I knew I had communicated clearly about my standards but found that there was just real measuring stick on a daily basis other than my boiling point.

I had heard many times about people with smaller children having some kind of reward system but my Gracie is a little too old for tokens and stuff :) I was really searching for something that would allow her to know when she had a good day and also to help her to see exactly what had caused an upset on any given day.

I didn't want to make my communication with her only punitive in nature. My daughter is overall...REALLY a good kid but she is a young woman and consequently learning how to continue in her childhood obedience as well as handle her emotions and attitude. My desire was to encourage and reward her good efforts at controlling outward expressions of inward feelings. However, I didn't want to slip into the pattern of holding a carrot on a stick just to get her through the day with a good attitude. So...the tool that has helped us was born.

The system is simple. For each character area that I have determined to be one worth refining, she can earn a point each day if she does well, if she does poorly, she can lose a point, and if it's a draw, she earns nothing. According to the number of areas we had most recently, Gracie could earn a total of 7 daily points. That is a possible 49 points a week. The reward is the key. Gracie likes one on one time with me. So, I agreed that I would take her out to eat for every 50 points she earns. At increments of 50, 100, 150, etc., I have agreed to treat her. I explained that it probably won't be an expensive restaurant or anything, just a simple cheap dinner out for just the two of us.

Using this chart has made life easier. Not only is there a communication tool besides my nagging and fussing, there is also way for her to feel like her efforts are noticed. This little point system makes life easier in spots that would normally been major points of contention. I have a spot for comments at the bottom so this way I can tell her in detail (in a defined space) what I noticed (good or bad) about her day.

So here is the Heart Check Sheet for your perusal. It is in Word format so you can edit and personalize it. Hope it helps someone!

Great Reads!

I'm still in South Africa and have tried again to access the hotel's wireless internet but to no avail. I have some great pictures to share, but I guess I'll just wait until I get back in the states. The hotel does have a business center with internet access but when I tell you the computers are S-L-O-W....It's murder to try and use Blogger with a slow connection so I'm posting by sending "email posts" to my blog which is slow but not as bad as using the blogsite.

Since I am at the computer anyway trying to blog about my trip, I thought I'd blog about something else instead and remembered that I mentioned a few days ago I would share about some recent books I've read that are worthy of others checking out. I have a few bloggy friends that keep up a current list of their books read during the year with their reviews and opinions included. Maybe I'll add that to my list to do for next year but I'm just not that organized yet. The two books I'd like to mention today though couldn't wait until next year :)

A couple of weeks ago, I had a chance to complete two books in one week! Although I love to read, and would definitely consider myself to be a voracious reader, my time these days just doesn't allow me the luxury to get as much reading as I would like done. Getting these two books down was a real treat!

The first is A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver Van DeMille. This book is written to teachers, students, parents, educators, legislators, leaders - any person interested in making sure that kids get an education worthy of propelling them to greatness and to a life of purpose. I purchased this book at a homeschool conference as I had heard many people over time mention this book to me as a must-read. It definitely will help homeschool parents to help solidify their goals and direction in homeschooling their children, but it isn't just for the homeschooling family. The goal of the book is to pull from what made past leaders, world changers, and great thinkers in the past and show how we can implement those same educational experiences for our children today.

I'm never amazed, especially as I homeschool Gracie, how much I DIDN'T learn in school. There are many times that I feel inept as a homeschool Mom, wondering how in the world I'm going to make sure she comes away with the knowledge she needs to have in this life. This book encouraged me that life and learning is a journey and that goal of educating my children (whether I am in charge of that or a school) cannot be met unless I, myself, ensure that it happens. The cry here is for education that leads learners to greatness and beyond basic literacy and job skills. The main thrust of the book deals with the tenets of an quality education and some practical tips for how to get started with implementing those tenets.

Now I said I was only going to mention two books, but just writing that review made me think of another that I think every person should read regarding the education of our children, how we think about it, and how we can make a real difference in the quality of education that our children receive - The Art of Education by Linda Dobson. I initially read this book by getting it from my library and then after finishing it bought it to read again. This is one of those books that makes you think and call into question assumptions that you have about the educational system in America and what makes it work or not work. I assure you, if you pick up this book you WILL be challenged and you will wonder..."how come no one every told this to me before?"

Ok...now on to the second book I planned on discussing. I read this book and then passed it along to my husband to review. It is called Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham. I originally heard of this guy from a commenter on an older post - see my left sidebar under "What I Believe - About Children". The comment pointed me to listen to a sermon of Dr. Baucham's online. I was mesmerized by what I heard. Come to find out a family member of his goes to my church and when his book came out, she gave me one. Since my initial introduction to Dr. Baucham, he has been invited to the men's conference at my church and my husband attended his workshop. He called me after hearing his presentation to tell me how much he found Dr. Baucham's message inspiring and life-changing.

In his book, Dr. Bauchum starts out by saying that Christianity is a dying religion unless we, as believers, do something different then we have done in the past regarding the passing on of our legacy of faith. He begins his book with stating the problem of a state of a vanishing Christianity and how this problem has come about. Dr. Baucham discusses 1) the lack of value in the concept of having children with the idea of propagating the Kingdom of God in mind, 2) the lack of value in the necessity of passing along values to our children as evidenced by the number of "Christian" kids who, after being raised in Christian homes, do not choose to live out the "faith of their fathers", and 3) the trend of declining numbers of Christians with every generation that passes. At this juncture, Dr. Baucham then seeks to explain what we are doing wrong. That's where he book gets good.

The primary focus of this work is to explain what we are doing wrong and how to fix it. Dr. Baucham tenatiously outlines what Christians have not been doing that has helped fuel generations of people who do not live effective, on-fire lives for Christ - even after being raised in Christian homes. He discusses his own personal life both as an example of what he had failed to do, the realizations that he has come to in his journey as a husband, father, and pastor, and then on to what he seeks to do now. His platform as he speaks around the country is multi-generational Christianity and what we can do to ensure that we teach our children how to stand in this world.

It is obvious that this man is an intellectual and he is easy to respect because of the way he presents his material - very well-thought out and communicated. At the same time, I felt like I was listening to a big brother tell me his heart and give me guidance as to how to implement the concepts and principles he shares. His simple yet profound purpose of turning on the light bulb in Christians who desire to effectively pass their faith to their children will fan the flame in the heart of a Mom or Dad who are wanting a start at the "how-to-do-it".

Also, Dr. Baucham challenges the idea of age segregation as we know it in the modern day church. With the focus of family as the center of God's means for reaching the next generation, Dr. Baucham presents alternatives to the way we "do church" and suggests a different paradigm for the future if we want to see different results from the past in how we raise our children and how they turn out.

This is one of those books that, whether or not you agree with everything, you will be glad that someone stopped and finally MADE YOU THINK. It's definitely an easy read and worth reading all the way through. I encourage you to pick up a copy. I'll have a link to Amazon here...again...as soon as I get good internet access.

OK...that's enough for the day. I hope to post more about my time in South Africa soon :)

WFMW: No Fuss Shopping w/Kids

As much as I would love to schedule a regular shopping day or time to go myself minus the kiddos (specifically the littles), my husband's work schedule is sporatic and inconsistent so many times I do take my children with me. Normally all the kiddos will go and my big girls help me with the little ones but at times (like this week b/c my girls are at camp), it's just me and my boys.

Wally World and Target are our favorite places to shop on a regular basis and about a year ago, I figured out a way to make the trip fuss-free.

For either shopping trip, the first section we go to is the toy section...YES...the toy section. Each boy gets a toy that he can play with while we shop. Because these toys are new to them and therefore they are in awe, this can give me at least 30 - 45 minutes of preoccupied kiddo shopping time.

When we go to Super Target it's even easier. We go straight to the food section and order a popcorn/drink combo all for the grand total of $1.08. This holds them for another 30-45 minutes at which point if I need more time, I can then head to the toy section!

Now, I know someone is wondering what in the world I do when it's time to leave the store and the kiddos have to put those toys back. Well, the first time that Sumo (the 4yo) whined about having to leave his toy, I told him the Buzz Lightyear couldn't come home with us because his home was the store and he had to sleep there. When he started to whine a little louder, I bent down and said in his ear, "if you don't stop crying and put Buzz Lightyear down then we won't be able to get a toy the next time we come to the store". This did the trick.

Now lest you think that I always have it that easy, there have been a couple of times where we left the store with a crying child BUT...the next time we came to the store, I followed through and didn't go to the toy section. I actually planned a trip to the store specifically for that purpose....to show him that I meant what I said.

You could always bring a toy from home but I've found that the trip is so much more exciting for the kiddos when they look forward to playing with something they don't have all the time.

The favorite toys for my boys are toys from the movie "Cars" or "Toy Story". Sumo is starting to get into "Diego". Kano (the 2yo) just goes for anything. He tires out much faster than Sumo so I may put a couple of other things under the basket for later.

I have other tricks for shopping too. When we go the health food store, there are no toys there but there is raw honey. I fill up the little container and let each boy dip their finger in (ummm...). I might also go straight to the bananas, take two to the register pay the whopping 40 - 50 cts, and let them eat while I shop. Toys or food, the key is preoccupation :) We rarely buy cereal (at least the sugery kinds) but even a cereal box will hold the attention of a young 'un for while.

It's amazing what this little practice has done for my sons. They have definitely grasped the concept that just because I want it now, doesn't mean I get it now!

Believe it or not, the bribery doesn't last forever, somewhere in there, they learn that Mommy will go the store and they will have to go to and BEHAVE. I do go shopping at times when I either don't feel like toys or don't have time. Children are wonderful, they can learn to do anything. I just tell them, "no, not today...we are not getting toys".

Anywho, it works for me!

Be sure to check out Rocks in My Dryer for more Works-for-Me Wednesday tips.

Children and Chores

I'm a firm believer in training children to work. I've spent a lot of time interviewing experienced Moms, reading books, and making chore schedules. I'm only one person and I can't do it all; we all have to pitch in.

Unfortunately, the idea of training my children to work around our home isn't something I figured out early. I figured it out after I'd already trained them to be a bit lazy.

I've more than made up for lost time (much to my older girls dismay) but I want to make sure that I pass on little nuggets so other Mommies don't have to learn the hard way.

I love sharing great posts from other bloggers here at the Chronicles. One of the resources that I've bumped into is a recent post from Lara Gallagher's Blog. She posted a cute documentary on teaching kids to hang up their clothes. At the bottom of this post she has links to a series of articles on teaching children to work around the house. These articles are a great read.

I'm currently revamping our new chore duties and schedule. As my kids grow, and as our family schedule changes, we have to adjust how we do things around here (younger kid can now pitch in more). It's taking me forever to update it because I'm so busy DOING IT, but I'll post the new one when I get a chance. For now, you can view my old schedule here.

One Reason I Love My Teenager...

Teenage years are often spoken of in terms of what goes wrong with the children that a parent has worked so hard to raise. Although I completely agree that this time can have many twists and turns both for the young adult-to-be and their mother and father, I also believe that this can be a wonderful time too. It's the time where I'm allowed to see my precious little one blossum into adulthood. Like peering into the inner sanctuary of a cocoon, I get to watch the metamorphosis up close and personal. It isn't always a picture of perfection but it certainly is awesome to watch the transformation. Because we homeschool, I have the pleasure of observing many moments where I just can't believe the baby I brought home from the hospital is a woman.

I think the most important thing that a parent can do while there children migrate the transition into adulthood is to CHOOSE to look for the wonderful things that comprise their personality. Your teenager NEEDS to hear what they are doing right. They NEED to know that you still think highly of them. They NEED to believe that they still hold a precious place in your heart.

So sweet "Gracie" this post is for you :)

One reason I love my teenager is that she is compassionate and caring. She always shows concern and looks for ways to be sensitive to the desires of others. We work hard around our house, partially just because we live here and we should take care of our home, but mostly because we live here all day and messes just naturally occur. We make three meals a day plus snacks and so our kitchen always looks like we've just finished a meal.

Gracie is a whiz in the kitchen and cooks at least one dinner a week as well as breakfast two or three times. There are a couple of meals that I just don't do anymore and for that I am grateful. One of her meals is pancakes...always on Friday. She makes perfect pancakes with bacon (broiled in the oven) and doesn't even want me in the kitchen when she's at work.

Little brother likes to bother help me when I am in the kitchen. Sometimes I shoosh him away; sometimes I allow him to help. But when I turn around and see my teenager loving on her little brother without coaxing from me, my heart jumps for joy.

Every Friday morning we make pancakes for breakfast. On this Friday morning, "Sister" is letting her little brother help her...

Gracie also has learned how to play the guitar this year. Little fingers now seem to be heard at the most random times strumming her guitar in secret. Instead of getting mad and ranting about how the littles in our house keep messing with her stuff, Gracie make time to let them play...legally.

There is so much to be thankful for during this season of life. Albeit, sometimes you must choose to LOOK for what is wonderful about this person who is growing all the way into their skin. So today I'm going to look. I'm going to look and after I complete this blog I'm going to march into the kitchen, hug my wonderful daughter and tell her how great I think she is to be so compassionate and caring. You be sure and do the same with the precious gifts you've been given.

Round and Round We Go...

In an attempt to jumpstart my quiet time, I decided this morning to start reading a Proverbs a day. This morning, I read Proverbs 9 and verses 8 and 9 struck me: "Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee. Rebuke a wiseman, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser. Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning."

Yesterday, I tried for an hour to rebuke a scorner. At the kitchen table we sat, going round in round in circles debating different sides of an issue. I was desperately trying to prove my point and she was desperately trying to prove hers. We both had something at stake. I had my point to prove; she had an impending punishment to avoid. I felt like a boxer attempting to figuring out where to jab and figuring out where to put my gloves to defend the hits.

This was not an argument; it was a discussion. A discussion with tears flowing and begging for a second chance and a chance to get it right. The problem? There had already been second, third, and fourth chances. Why did I feel like I had to show, in great detail, that my thought process was valid?

Finally, I just decided that the conversation was going nowhere. The reaction of defense increasingly became more and more random and desperate. It was time to end the discussion. This was met with more tears.

Funny, I vaguely remember being on the defense before. I remember crying tears of desperation. I also remember the feeling of the line being drawn and hearing "This is my final answer". I was crushed. Truth be told, I remember giving a furious fight too, even more so than the one I put up with yesterday. I remember it being a duel to the death. I had to win, I had to escape punishment, and I had to avoid getting pinned down with my sin.

...."Rebuke not a scorner"....hmmm

Some things just don't need to be debated. Why? Because the debate is not central to the point. Wrongdoing has consequences....period.

This must be why God gets silent on me when I'm looking for Him to validate some choice I would like to make when I KNOW it is not in His will. This must be why I stop searching the Scriptures when I don't really want to know His answer to a question that I have. This must be why the Word doesn't speak to me when I'm looking into it to confirm decisions I would like to make. God doesn't shed super-duper light to people who aren't really interested in following it.

My mother has always said, "When you don't know what to do, just follow the light that you have". This wonderful advice has always worked - assuming that I'm looking for the light. If I'm looking for an excuse to go my own way, I end up going round and round in my own head, searching for pros and cons, looking for reasons to supplement the end result at which I'd like to arrive. God doesn't give instruction to someone who is wallowing in foolishness.

My heart must be sincere in order to receive full, unadulterated wisdom from the Lord. This thought is what I ended up sharing yesterday with the precious, young-adult soul entrusted to me. "I'd love to talk, I'd love to explain, I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I'll do that when you are ready to receive it and truly desire to understand how to make better decisions." The conversation was over, the tears dried up, and gradually, throughout the day, both of our spirits were mended and softened towards one another.

The punishment stands - not because I want to be a meanie but because I am responsible to Someone Greater than myself for training, guiding, and directing this beautiful young lady that is living for a short time with me.

I love how I can learn to parent as I watch the God, the ultimate Father, parent me!

Teenage Madness

I'm the mother of a teenager. I remember the feeling of being a teen...of riding the emotional waves and going from a complete high to a disastrous low at the most small, microscopic change that I could experience on any given day. I remember the tears, the insecurity, the fears, the anger, the frustration, and the stress, but I also remember the loud laughter, the joy, the experience of new love, and the thrill of growing independance.

So...it is with this eye for the past that I put my best foot forward in dealing with my own dear daughter. It's hard to believe that we've reached this point with her. She's beautiful, she witty, she's creative, she's eccentric, and she's absolutely, positively, CRAZY (like most teens so I hear).

Like all teenagers she's trying to decide who she is and who she wants to be. We, the parents, are left to figure out on a minute by minute basis where she is on her journey, and what our roles are as we balance encouragement with the responsibility of training her in the ways of the Lord, shaping her character, and guiding her growing independance. This parenting job is a lot of work, it's true. Why wouldn't we want to work hard...we've invested so much in her already!

It seems no matter how well we try to do our job however, at anytime, we can become the ENEMY. For no apparent reason, walls will go up and we are left to decide exactly how we are to deal the obstruction and to figure out what the walls are there for. Has our precious teenager been injured and raised walls to protect her heart? Have the walls been erected b/c there is a growing need for independance and we are not recognizing boundaries? Or...are the walls being raised as an act of defiance? As a parent, I despise the wall b/c it's an unnecessary interruption of good fellowship.

Well, let me say that I've seen the walls go up and I'm convinced that there is only one solution. TELL A JOKE.

If the teen is hurting (female anyway), they'll just burst out crying. If they need their space, they'll laugh and you will see the gate let down for you to enter with permission but...if the wall is one of defiance and rebellion...well...NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! Why? because showing any emotion at all would let you know they care.

And so...at times...my precious daughter, who once had the fattest, juiciest thighs on this side of the Mississippi, turns into hard, cold stone and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's gone MAD cuz I've said a "funny" and I've gotten NOTHING in response.

So then...what'a a Momma to do?...

Laugh at my own joke and just keep loving on her! My requirements don't change and my standards don't change but neither does MY love or MY attitude.

Is it really that simple? Of course not, cuz I really wanna show her whose boss and have a lengthy discussion where I do most of the talking and MAKE her think clearly. I have to resist the STRONG urge to ask her the age-old question..."HAVE YOU LOST YO' MIND"? or better yet..."ARE YOU CRAZY"? I don't know why I've even bothered asking those questions in the past. Do I really expect her to say "yes", even when we both know that's the correct answer?

So, I'm trying to learn to give that up. I happen to know from experience that lecturing and questioning (in loud uncontrollable voices) doesn't bring down walls but LOVE DOES.

God the Father is such the perfect parent. He just keeps loving on us until we melt. His requirements don't change and his standards don't change, but He just keeps on loving me. Day in and day out, letting me go through my madness, knowing that when I'm ready to talk I'll come to Him.

Sometimes He has to let me cry it out cuz I've been hurt. Sometimes He has wait on my willingness to open the gate and answer his gentle knock as He seeks to be Lord over my life. And sometimes...well let's just say He has to "train" me, "encourage" me, and "guide" me so I don't get too far off track. :)

Looking back on my walk with the Lord, I can't believe at how much time has been wasted as God watches me ride emotional waves and try to figure out who I want to be in Christ. As a parent, my Father must despise my walls b/c it's an unnecessary interruption of good fellowship. No tellin' how much precious communion I've missed out on due to my living the Christian life with my bottom lip stuck out and my mind busily working to erect and keep up a wall where I just didn't want God to have access.

Wow...parenting me is a lot of work, it's true. But why wouldn't my Heavenly Father want to parent me perfectly...He's invested so much in me already by giving His only Son so that fellowship with Him would be possible!

I'm so glad to know that He understands me when I don't understand myself and knows just how to love me through my 'bouts of teenage madness.

Learning To Love

I think of myself as a loving person, I really do, but sometimes when I look back on my actions I see a hard callous heart and I'm saddened and shocked at what lies within.

I went out tonight...to some movies with my sister and cousins....a real girls night out. Drove all the way to see a double feature at a drive-in theatre. I was so glad to get out and laughed and had a good time...but...

As soon as I drove up in my driveway and let up the garage, my two girls came charging out of the door to greet me and to bombard me with questions. At least, that's what I thought. I didn't even give them the chance.

I rolled down my window and said, "Get back in the house....GET...BACK...IN...THE...HOUSE". I just wasn't ready for my evening to end. I mean...I just got back and haven't even had a chance to breathe.

Then...I walked in the house. The kitchen was still dirty, the pizza I bought for them was still laying out, and the living room was in shambles (at least according to my standards). I immediately began giving orders.

"I can't believe that you two were home all evening and the kitchen still looks like this"

"Did you every clean up your room? Is your bed made? Are the clothes off the floor? Why not? I told you to do it earlier today!"

"Who called? What do you mean you didn't write it down?"

I don't know...I just felt violated...like the little freedom I had was taken from me and... from the very people that continue to need me everyday. Don't they have enough? How can they take more? Why do I have to continue to ask them over and over again to be obedient? Haven't I given them enough where they would respond to my requests with glad hearts and thanksfulness?

As silence fell on the house as my two dejected daughters finished their tasks and headed to their rooms, the still quiet voice of the Holy Spirit made it's way into my heart and said...

"Now you know how I feel...."

I love you...and I'm patient with you..."

"Be more like me"

Matthew 11:29 - Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart: and you shall find rest for your souls.

I'm on my way upstairs to kiss my girls and tell them I love them. Although their obedience is of utmost importance, so is my love. Lord, help me to learn to parent with love...the kind you parent me with.