Unplugged

This post was typed in Word one day last week when I had no internet/no electricity and couldn't upload to my blog.

I’m sitting here in a VERY quiet house. Quiet time for my littles is normally from 2 to 4 and most days I’m insistent that they participate in it. So yes, my littles are having quiet time at just this moment but, my house is exceptionally quiet for another reason.

My electricity is off.

Not only are my children quiet but my house has no “hum”. There is no hum from the refrigerator or the air conditioner. The fan on the computer is not steadily puttering away in the background and the clock’s tick-tock is silent. There are no ceiling fans turning and the phone is in a comatose state as well.

My house is super quiet.

It’s so quiet that I notice it. The silence is almost deafening. And isn’t that sad?...

Is this how we live? So used to noise that we are surprised by the absence of it? So accustomed to a steady hum of busyness that we don’t notice it until it’s gone?

Today, for awhile, my house is unplugged. My bill is paid (I did call to check :) and the weather is good today, so it appears that we are just benefitting from a plain ‘ole outage for no-good-reason.

There is good in this though. I can hear the bird outside my window. I can hear my son clear his throat in his sleep. I can hear the faint sound of an airplane passing by miles above the earth. I can hear myself think. I can hear Jesus.

Oh how I know that I must make time to unplug from the daily grind and busyness of life so that I can sense that I am truly here, truly alive, truly and completely aware of what I am feeling and thinking, truly in the present.

The electricity will eventually come back on. The question is will I purposely do the work of “unplugging” on a regular basis so that I never get accustomed to the “hum” of a life lived lacking intention, purpose, or clarity.

Thank you Lord for a lesson today in rest, quiet, and a sense of peace. Never let me forget that even when you walked this earth, you regularly “unplugged” and made time for rest, time alone, and communion with the Father.

Thinking About Losing Weight Again...

Things are finally starting to feel almost normal again... I'm still enjoying my "babymoon" but I'm also back in the saddle as it relates to schoolin' the kiddos, fixing dinners, and playing taxi driver. Since I'm finding my way back out of the house on a regular basis, I'm also finding that I'm rummaging through my closest for "out" clothes to wear and I'm coming up wanting everytime.

What does this mean?

Sadly, it means that I need to get back to working on my weight - losing some of it - O.K. - ALOT OF IT.

Pregnancy is the blissful excuse to not have to suck things in because there is actually a justifiable reason for abdominal growth that pushes the abdominal area outwards. Even if a woman doesn't technically have to be showing at 12 weeks, being pregnant is a nice and comforting reason for a woman to have to share with others about her little "pooch".

My blissful excuse is officially over. I mean, I've had the baby and had three months for things to shrink down a bit. The shrinking is done. Anything left to shrink will only be taken care of through self-denial and self-discipline (translated eating less and exercising more).

My sister called me tonight around 5:30 p.m. and asked me if I wanted to join her at her Weight Watcher's meeting. I told her I did not. I simply have an issue with Weight Watchers. I think the organization is great. I believe that it works and is wonderful for a lot of people to participate in - just not ME.

Why? Honestly, after a bunch of soul searching and yapping with 'ol sis, the bottom line is that I'm too proud.

You see...joining WW means that I'm admitting I need help. It means that I'm admitting that I could use assistance on this journey of mine.

I really want to lose the weight and say that I did it all by myself. I want to be able to show that I'm strong by myself and that I don't need help in order to achieve the goals that I set out for myself.

I also don't want to have to join an organization that groups me with all of the other people I've looked at from a distance and wondered why the people in that group couldn't get their act together on their own. I mean...if a person knows what to do...why don't they just DO IT? (do you feel the lack of humility here).

In reality, I should have been asking myself that same question.

Although I did drop 30 pounds before baby, when I got pregnant I had already gained about 15 of those pounds back already. 10 years ago I was able to drop 30 pounds too...I didn't keep that off either. So, clearly, although I can lose the weight, there is something faulty with my process because I can't keep it off.

Herein lies the problem. To join Weight Watchers is to admit that I have a flaw...that I have an imperfection...that I am not a force in and onto myself. Imagine that.

My sister told me that she would be at my house in 8 minutes. I still resisted her invitation. Then she offered to pay my first two weeks. I told her that I would go for the ride with no guarantees of commitment.

I got in her car and headed to the meeting, still fighting internally with whether or not I was going to actually PAY someone else for ME to lose weight. I have an issue with paying people to do what I know I'm capable of doing myself for free.

But, in the end, I did it. I joined Weight Watchers.

I've come home and spent some time pouring over my books, my points allowance, and what in the world I can eat without thinking too hard.

I've also been thinking about how my experience with this whole WW thing mirrors the reality of a lot of so-called Christ followers.

Many of us go through life, trying our best to make it. We grunt and groan, trying to carve the best slice out of life that we can. We take one step forward and then find ourselves falling two steps back. We start every New Year's with new resolutions as we write off our past mistakes and vow to do things differently in the next twelve months, only to find that twelve months later we are no better off.

We go to church every Sunday and smile in the face of those who ask us how we are doing. We answer with the typical "fine" and then head back to the very things that we came to church to get help with. We are too embarrased to ask for help. We are too self-conscious to share our struggles, We are too proud to admit that we are not as together as we would like to seem.

It's foolishness. My stupid battle with joining Weight Watchers is just as stupid as Christians who constantly live in some form of defeat simply because they won't be transparent, take off their masks, and admit their inadequacies. We refuse to let others who are either facing the same struggle or those who have experienced victory come alongside us and hold us up, hold us accountable, and hold our hands.

So I'm admitting my need for help even though it is uncomfortable, unsettling, and for me, a bit uncanny.

Where do you need help? Are your willing give a little vulnerability in order to gain some victory?

I hope so...I finally am.

On The Second Half...

Psalm 90:10 (KJV)

The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.

Assuming that I have the opportunity to live the 70 years mentioned in this verse, after turning 36 yesterday, I'm officially in the second half of my life.Sobering isn't it.

My grandmother will be 90 years old this year. She says regularly that she figures that it's about time for her to begin accepting the fact that she's getting old! Grandma has mentioned time and time again that her mind isn't old...only her body is aging.

I get this completely.

I feel smarter than I was at 25 but I feel like the same person. I don't know what I thought I'd feel like...but I'm not feeling it. But time doesn't lie. My age is an indicator that time marches on. Time waits for no one.

So...just like on most birthdays, I'm filled with wonder and deep thoughts at how I've spent my time on earth and thinking of what I should do with the days to come.

Time is so easy to waste. We know that we don't have an endless supply, but we use it as if it will never run out. I am at fault for leaving many things undone on my to do list that should get first priority - things that if I died tomorrow, would make me very unhappy to acknowledge I didn't make time for.

So I'm gonna tune my piano...YUP...that's the deep reality for today. Seven years ago, my husband got me a baby grand piano. He's in the music business and had access to a beautiful baby grand piano that he got for me and placed in my home. I took piano lessons from the age of five to fifteen years of age and then stopped. I said for years I wanted to get back to playing the piano. If for no other reason, I have songs that the Lord gives me yet I do nothing with the majority of the them. I want to sit at the piano, accept my lack of perfection and professionalism at the keys, and develop the words and melodies he whispers in my ear. I want to allow the harmonies of my heart to be a part of my time with Him, even if no one else ever hears a note - and I want to sing and play these songs in tune.

Silly huh? There are so many things on my list truth be told. There are serious things and fun things, urgent things and important things. My list will never end I'm afraid, but I can cross one things off tomorrow :) I'm calling the piano tuning man.

For the next 35 years, I want to use the voice God gave me and my existing knowledge of the black and white keys to make melodies in my heart and with my mouth to the Lord.

I want to live out loud.

If I stare back in time too long, I'll find things that I wish I would have done better or cringe that I did at all. After living half of my "Bible years", there are lots of "would-ofs", "could-ofs", or "should-ofs", but those years are spent. How I used the time is how I used it and I can't go back and change any of it. But I can take a step forward tomorrow.

Each day that I'm blessed with give me another day to take a step toward wherever it is that I sense the Lord wants me to go. You are blessed too. Will you take a step with me?

If you are so inclined, I'd love to whisper a prayer for you if you are taking a new step. Hit me back and let me know about your step.

One more thing...Someone commented on my blog and left me with a link to Angie's Blog and I found my way to her post, The Past and The Pitcher. This post will bless your socks off. Take a moment and read it when you have a chance....

New Year's Thoughts: Seasonally Challenged Living

The ending of this holiday season is bittersweet for me this year. On the one hand, I'm glad to be gradually returning to normal life. On the other hand, this year, my Christmas and New Years caught me off guard. All of a sudden the holidays were upon me and before I knew it I was busy, doing what I don't really know, but so many things that I would have liked to do went undone. I have this whole holidays list thing where I keep adding things every year that I want to include in our family traditions. This year however, I just didn't have it in me. I kind of skimmed by doing the bare minimum. I went through the last two weeks of the year seasonally challenged.

I didn't make egg nog...

The outside lights never made it on to the bushes...

We didn't make salt dough ornaments...

We didn't have another family over to fellowship with for the holidays...

I didn't feel like cooking so there were not a constant smell of freshly baked goods coming from the kitchen...

We did go to look at Christmas lights but right when we got to the entrance, the neighborhood viewing time came to an end so we never made it to the really good displays...

We did make it to the special train exhibit but we were running late and Daddy didn't get to go in with us (he had to catch a flight)...

We never got around to celebrating Advent, reading our special book and counting down the days towards Christmas...

Not one time, did I read the Christmas story from the Bible to my kids (I'm a heathen, I know)

We did borrow books from the library. We borrowed five. I read from two of them - one time each...

Chaos slowly erupted as everyone slowly fell out of their routines, chores, and daily habits...

Christmas shopping did get done, albeit at the last minute, and the budget well...was there a budget?...

There were some girlfriends that always come over during the holidays to share Egg Nog Lattes with me. We never connected...

and the list goes on...

And now, here I am, on the other side of January 1 and in a new year - 2008.

What happened, where did the time go, how did I get caught so off guard?

I'll tell you what happened. Life's been happening. Between homeschooling, two kids in three different kinds of therapy, extra jobs for extra money, Bible study, keeping house, etc, etc....LIFE IS HAPPENING IN SURROUND SOUND.

No matter which way I turn, I'm bombarded with things to do, things to accomplish, things to finish.

And no, they are NEVER finished. Life keeps happening and keeps getting in the way of ability to fully prepare for and enjoy the current season.

Last year, I had grand aspirations of slowing down and that never happened. Why? Because I kept doing the next thing. And life just keeps happening. There is always one more thing to do. One more person to support. One more program to participate in. One more place that I could be. Life keeps coming.

Let me let you in on a little secret that I'm really learning and grabbing a hold of...

Life does stop or slow down...but I can. My desire to be still enough to hear the still small voice of God doesn't get fulfilled because I wish it be so. I am able to attain peace, simplicity, and stillness in my life because I make the choices that are required to achieve this state. My inability to fully engage in the current season has to do with the choices that I make to fit in the things that matter.

There are so many times where I've heard people say that they don't know where the years went, or that time passed way too quickly, or that they wish they wouldn't have been in so much of a hurry. This is the state of living where most of us reside. We are always running, just trying to make it to the next thing, or pass through the current landscape. We are just trying to make it and struggling to stay afloat. We are living, constantly challenged to fully engage in the current season of life.

I believe with all of my heart that it doesn't have to be this way. It is possible to smell the flowers and enjoy the journey. In my mid-thirties, I'm just now realizing how challenging that can be in the society in which we live. We are encouraged to rush, to go, and to do. We are not encouraged to be.

Just like Christmas and New Years came upon me suddenly and unexpectedly, Jesus worns us in the Bible of not being ready for his return.

Matthew 24:36-44 (NIV)

The Day and Hour Unknown

"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

He also worns us of being busy doing this that don't matter and missing Him.

Luke 10:38-42 (NIV)

At the Home of Martha and Mary

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

My challenge over the next couple of weeks will be to figure out what exactly it is that I'm doing that gets in my way of having room in my life to watch for him and to do what matters. My challenge will be to make different choices and to stop doing some things out of habit and start doing other things on purpose.

My challenge will be to stop allowing the ebb and flow of life from determining the flow of my own life.

And it is a challenge. I am a self-confessed doer, an achiever, and a "check-off-my-list" kind of person. But this is my desire. I'm slowly waking up on the other side of Holiday Season '07 and coming to realize that it's over and I just made it by the skin of my teeth.

With all of my heart, I do not want to slowly wake up on the other side of Chrystal's Season on earth and realize that I just made it, challenged beyond repair by the demands of the world on my time. I want to overcome. I want to flourish. I want to be on top of the things that matter in my life - the things that matter to God for this one life he has given me to live. I want to make life-altering, life-giving, life-changing CHOICES. What are those choices? That's what I'll be praying about seriously for a few days in the immediate future.

Lord help me to learn the discipline of stillness, of looking, waiting, and watching for you. I don't want to miss where you are and what you are doing. I don't want to realize after you have moved that you were at work and I was too busy to notice. Help me know what choices to make to align myself with your purposes and plans.

I need Thee how I need Thee
Every hour I need Thee
O Bless me now my Savior
I come to Thee

The Importance of Being an Educated Christian

I got online this morning and glanced at my Yahoo homepage. There was an article posted making fun of Ms. Sherri Shepherd and a comment that she made on The View recently. I watched the video and was a bit appalled. Now, being a Christian myself, I understand, I think, what Ms. Shepherd was trying to say, but it didn't come out right at all and it was obvious that she was fumbling over her answer and a bit uncomfortable.

Of course, many people have picked up this little vignette and reported her comments in the sarcastic light that seems to be common in the liberal age in which we live. If you Google Sherri Shepherd and Christianity you will find a host of articles, newspapers, and feeds that are passing along the discussion from The View with their own comments of how uneducated Ms. Shepherd must be.

I'm glad to be a Christian, and to have been given a Christian school education from grades 2 through 8. However, I must say that a big thing missing from the education that many Christian schools as well as many churches provide is an understanding of Christianity through history. We are taught to believe, but we are not taught as well, on the whole, how to be prepared and ready to give an answer in defending our faith in areas such as this. Hence, we find ourselves ridiculed in the media for statements that could have been totally prevented by a little more study.

One of the biggest benefits I have received from homeschooling is having to learn some things for myself that I was never taught or that I never thought important enough to learn.

Although Christian education is not the only or even most important component of being a Christian, the growth and development in our relationship with Christ is central, it still deserves an important place in the building up of Christian people as we seek to have an impact on our world.

Who wants to look like an idiot? I certainly don't and I have to admit that some things I think or believe, you might never hear me comment on because I can't explain it or I simply don't know why I believe it in the first place. But the time has come for me often enough, where I'm caught in a situation where I have to respond and feel ill-prepared.

We have to do better. If we individually feel under prepared, then it's time to do a little more homework. I'll be the first to admit that I've got to go to study hall.

The Terrible Housekeeper

So I've been MIA from my blog for about three weeks. A few days turned into a week that then turned into another week, followed by another. What have I been doing? Well, I'll try to shed a little light on that over the next few days.

One MAJOR thing that I've been doing is simply trying CLEAN MY HOUSE. I've been making a real effort to catch up and get back to a groove of some kind. Let me confess...my house has been a mess. I've been actually fairly embarrassed about the condition of my home especially following a visit from my Daddy. Let me give you a little background.

I'm usually fairly comfortable with the state of my home. Because we homeschool, I don't ever expect my home to look like it came out of magazine. I have gone through a series of adjustments in my expectations over the last few years so that I can stay sane. My philosophy is that "my house should be clean enough to be healthy, but messy enough to be lived in"(quote borrowed from an online acquaintance).

I, along with three kids, are at home at least 4 days a week...all day. Two of those kiddos are under the age of five. My house is not going to stay pristine just because I clean all the time. And I don't want to clean all the time. I strive for balance between being a good mom, teacher, cook, wife, and homemaker. I'll trade a random opportunity to bounce around on the trampoline with my kids than to scrub the baseboards anyday.

So, a few of my comprimises are as follows:

1. I aim for a clean kitchen twice a day. Three times is a luxury. Even so, I always expect there to be dishes in the sink. (Our dishwasher is on the blink)
2. I shoot for a mopped floor two times a week, unless otherwise necessary. It's just too depressing to mop the floor only to find in just a few hours that it doesn't like like I did anything.
3. I try to hit each room in my house once a week on a rotating schedule. What does this mean? My house is not clean all at the same time.
   
4. Laundry is always going. I do about a load a day.
   
5. My carpet is not every going to look new. No matter how many rules I make about food and drink staying in the kitchen. It just doesn't happen. What can I say? I'm training the littles but they haven't gotten it completely. I'm also trying to train my bigs but...well...
6. The surfaces in common areas should be neat, but don't have to be empty. My teenager does school at the computer, my littles do school at the table, we congregate at the island...in short we are all over the place. As we transition to the dinner hour, I shoot for things in their place. If I can't have that then I shoot for neat piles.
7. Oh...and the baseboards. I get to 'em when I get to 'em.
   

Now here's my problem. These are rules I'm comfortable with. When I have a visitor, I'm completely thrown into a panic. Why? I don't want to leave a bad impression of the kind of housekeeper I am. I'm already weird because I homeschool my children. I don't want to be weirder because I'm home and my home is out of order.

So imagine my dismay when my Dad showed up to visit and proceeded to inspect my house. I kid you not when I tell you that he went from room to room, each time saying, "Oh, Chrystal!" in a loud display of disbelief. Now, granted, the day he came was a bad day. It was right before lunch and I hadn't even had a chance to straighten up before he arrived. In fact, it was a Monday. Mondays are always the worst. He commented on the spots in the carpet, the dishes in the sink, the stuff on my countertops, the baskets of unfolded clothes in the hallway, and then he even peeked in my bedroom and saw the confusion in there. He peeked his head into my refrigerator and groaned at the sticky stuff on the top shelf.

I found myself following him around the house, explaining, explaining, and explaining some more.

It's a terrible feeling to think that you are giving something your all and that it is still not enough. But then again, most mothers and definitely homeschooling mothers, have felt this way at one time or another.

So, how does it end? Well, my Dad sent a housekeeper, his own cleaning service, over to my house to give it a once over. He also told me to get my carpets cleaned at his expense.

Now, I have a lot of pride. I hate the idea that I can't do it all. I hate accepting help and I hate the thought that someone thinks I'm not doing a good job. Truth is though, that little boost was needed and appreciated. It saved me hours (probably days) of work and gave me an opportunity to focus on things that needed my personal attention.

I had time, time to catch up on balancing my bank accounts, time to plan ahead for school, and time to take a nap! Instead of doing dishes, I was able to make some much needed phone calls to insurance companies and doctors. I got a chance to scrub that graffiti on the side of my house (more on that later). I had lots of time to thoroughly finish planning for my daughter's Sweet 16. Those are things a cleaning service can't do but that I COULD.

This little boost and injection of more available time in my schedule got me going. I was on a roll. I just started barreling through my list and got caught up in getting things DONE! Crossing things off of my list is one the best feelings in the world! The feeling of completing something quickly superceded my need to blog!

I do know a handful of ladies who are good housekeepers....GREAT in fact. I have spent many a puzzled day, trying to figure out with my husband HOW THEY DO IT?!?! Here's what I've learned. We all have 24 hours in a day. If someone else's home is always pristine it has to do with how they spent her time. My friend with the beautiful home and four homeschooled children has children all over the age of 12. She is running around to basketball and soccer practice, but she also has lots of help. Another friend with a gorgeous home, has children that spend three days a week at a mother's day out. My friend who makes gourmet meals has her kids in school all day.

I also have a friend whose home is always in disarray but she enjoys her children and plays with them quite a bit more than I play with mine :) They are always outside playing, or inside working on some neat craft. She has the most creative kids!

It's all about what is important and how we choose to recognize that importance with our time.

I choose to live somewhere in the middle right now. That's what I am...a "mom in the middle". I have a teenager, a preteen, a preschool, and a toddler. That is a stretch that will kill you if you let it. I keep my littles going in the morning, only to put them down for a nap in the afternoon and then start working on Algebra 2 with my teenager. If I try and put my housework first at all costs, something else that is important would suffer. So I just do my best.

THAT'S ALL ANY OF US CAN DO...DO YOUR BEST!

We are all a work in progress. So Moms...(and I'm talking to myself too)...

STOP FEELING GUILTY!

• Do the best you can. Keep your eyes on the Lord and take care of your home and your family for His Glory. He will guide and direct you and let you know how to get done what is important to Him, when it is important to Him.

• Cut out the things that you can live without that cut into the time you have for more important things (TV, phone, unnecesary computer time...OUCH)

• Pray! Pray about how God would have you to keep your home. He says that we should be anxious for NOTHING. He also says that He freely gives wisdom...So ask!
  

Remember Mary & Martha? It is so easy for us as women to focus on the doing and not on the most important thing. Cooking is important, cleaning is important, but don't let it be a stumbling block that keeps you from what focusing on what matters for eternity.

...and PRAY about how God would have you to keep your home. The Word says that,

Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God

The Word also says that,

James 1:5 (NASB)

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

So ask for his help and guidance! He's God and He orders the universe. I'm sure that he can help you order your home!

And thanks Daddy for the help...and I'll try to be a better housekeeper. But just know that the carpet won't look pristine for too much longer. Somebody is bound to spill something soon!

Women in Ministry - (Response Part IV)

If you didn't get a chance to read Part I or Part II or Part III of Mrs. Broggi's response to my letter and questions, be sure and get caught up before reading today's post!

You wrote:

It seems a bit harsh. Maybe it should be....maybe because there are so many unbalanced women out there, you feel the need to shake them up a bit.

Yes, I know it was a bit harsh. And yes, it was a tough thing to write about. I copy/pasted the next four paragraphs from my website in which I addressed this:

I took a risk when I submitted to my husband's leadership and posted this article. I know it. I wrote the journal after having had yet another conversation with a young mother who was contemplating taking a ministry position which would pull her from her home. It reminded me once again of the need for instructing God's women of His high and holy calling of wife and mother - which is a fulltime job. There's a time to be silent and a time to speak. I had nothing to gain and everything to lose by writing and posting the article. I know that too. 

A few women have written and scolded me especially because I referenced four famous women. I accept it and respect them for it. I only named these women because they are in the public and have such huge followings. This is appropriate - just as it is appropriate for anyone to publicly reference and express disagreement with me. And please understand, I am not saying that these women are not sincere or that they are not good mothers. I'm sure they are both!

I wrote from a perspective I believe we need to think through and I also know that if I dish it out, I must be able to take it - not only take it but think it through myself. I know I won't be able to answer each of you personally but with time, I hope to write and post another journal to deal with issues that you have raised. Yet far more than the scoldings have been those mama's who have been encouraged. And their letters remind me to press on.

Over the years, when I have been asked to teach at women's events (which I occasionally accept), I am always asked, "What is your fee?" I have no fee . . . as least not the way most women think. My fee is to see children get their mama's back, husbands get their wives back, and churches get their older women back. My passion is to see us as women think, really think biblically as it concerns the way we live out what we say we believe rather than follow the trends in the culture. We've abandoned the home - on a tidal wave - a wave so huge that we just ride it without really thinking. We must - as believing women - think through the messages we are sending to a new generation of young women. We must place ourselves under the microscope of God's Word.

You wrote:

Can't we have both? Can't we have women who have raised their children helping us go deeper in the Word.

God has placed parameters around women's ministry. We need to spend more time helping women learn how to go deeper into the Word as it relates to biblical womanhood in all spheres of life.

You wrote:

Can't we have older women helping us to learn our jobs as mothers and giving us hope that one day we will have the option of doing other things as the Lord leads?

What other things are you speaking of? See, as a woman grows and learns her job as a mother - there will be a whole new generation of young mothers who need be taught and it is the older woman's job to teach, encourage, and train them. Still, your question sounds as though raising children is just something to get through and "hope for that one day when we will have the option of doing other things" - I personally don't ever want to get rusty in mothering - I am a grandmother now - I have a daughter-in-law and soon will have another (my oldest son is getting married in August) - my "mothering" will never be over or finished.

When all is said and done - I'll probably have 10 children instead of 5 if all of mine get married. Then if they accept God's norm of bringing children into the world - there will be another generation for me to pour my life into. It never ends in this life till Jesus comes. I better not ever get rusty.

You wrote:

When talking about Mrs. Lotz and Mrs. Briscoe, you discuss their frustration with mothering. Although I get your point about how they were not encouraged to find joy and fulfillment in mothering, do you honestly feel as though every women will LOVE IT? My sister struggles. She loves her children, she loves her family, but she doesn't love the job of mothering. After reading the article, it seems that you leave no room for women of all makes and temperaments. I do believe that mothering is a choice. I know older ladies that gave their children their all, but they are glad that season is over with. They don't miss the diapers, the dirty dishes, or constant laundry....but they were diligent and committed during that season.

I don't know your sister, but if I had some time with her, I would ask her why she struggles. And I would ask her if there is a misplaced longing to be somewhere other than where God has placed her. One of the biggest reasons so many young women struggle with mothering is because they are trying to do too many other things at the same time. They want it all. I know women with young children who are gifted Bible teachers and I tell them all the time - teach your children the Bible - teach children!

If your sister has a husband and children, they are her priority - they are her fulltime job - and a fulltime job cannot be done properly in a woman's spare time. It is not a hobby - it is a calling. If God has given children to your sister, then she is called to be a mother. And we have to ask God to give us the heart for it - an undivided heart. Yes, there are struggles with any calling and/or job. I immediately think of Jonah whom God had called to go to Ninevah but he did not want to go. His struggle with his calling didn't relieve him of his responsibility or his obedience to God.

Most women, I believe, just need a fresh perspective about this high and holy calling. God never promised us that being a wife or mother or homemaker would be easy. What job is? I mean, really? In fact, God's curse on women was in these very areas. God didn't change His plan because Eve sinned - she'd still be a helper to her husband and mother to children - yet now these areas in her life would bring struggle. This is the VERY REASON God says that young women must be taught even to love their husbands and children. This is the very reason older women are supposed to know doctrine as it relates to home and family. Temperaments have nothing to do with it. I constantly have to bring my feelings, attitudes, and selfishness under the scrutiny of God's Word. He is the One Who gave this calling to women. Not me.

I am a sinful fallen woman who wants what I want - yet God hasn't given up on me. Satan is always there tempting women to place everything and anything above His calling - even good, spiritual things.

Now, about your saying that you believe mothering is a "choice." Do you mean the choice to have children? Or the choice to mother them? Mothering is not a choice - God is the author of life. He is the One Who opens and closes the womb even though we think we have it all under control.

If a woman chooses to get married - then the physical act brings forth children. That's God's plan - His way. He wants His people to raise a godly heritage and once again this job cannot be done in our spare time.

We're seeing as a nation what is happening when women celebrate themselves so much that they don't invest the best hours of their days to their families.
Also, just because a woman is past the diapering, dirty dishes, constant laundry stage in her own life (though frankly, I don't know if that ever ends unless you have a full time housekeeper - smiles), doesn't mean that any of that was demeaning or beneath her. Those very things are humble service - a way to demonstrate to our families what Jesus taught when He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

Women have far too long screamed for the place of honor - rather than humble service. It is in the home we learn to be like Jesus. Any woman can be all spiritual with her Christian friends at a women's retreat. But the rubber meets the road in the home. I could teach on this the rest of my life and still not even scratch the surface.

Well, Chrystal, I guess I have just about written a book - in between taking care of my grandson, Jack and my thirteen-year-old son, Jameson. Jameson flew up to Boston with me to help out but he has been throwing up all day so I have been taking care of both of them!

Thank you again for taking the time to write. Occasionally I feel compelled to write a long answer - this was one such time. I hope I didn't blow you away!

I pray God's blessings on you and your family.

Audrey Broggi

I'll post my thoughts on next week...

Women in Ministry - (Response Part III)

If you didn't get a chance to read Part I or Part II of Mrs. Broggi's response to my letter and questions, be sure and get caught up before reading today's post!

You wrote:

I'm not sure that I am connecting that principle you are presenting in your article with these women and the way they are currently living their lives, running their ministries, and delivering their messages. Can you clarify?

Since I don't know them personally, I can observe from an objective standpoint. My husband can observe from an objective standpoint. And I wonder as a ministry wife and mother myself - should I leave my home on a consistent basis to minister to women? I mean, really? Should I teach men just because they want to come hear me? Should I teach like a man?

I didn't even cover the issues of women teaching men in my original article. I didn't even cover the helper role of a wife in the article and how so many women are the heads of their own ministries and who even knows where their husbands fit in.

God has clearly spelled out women's ministry and how He wants it to function in the pastoral epistles. He knows what women need - not necessarily what they want.

Although there are many women who do not like what I teach - I know God has called me to teach it. I also know that many women are absolutely starved for solid biblical teaching on women's roles in the home and church.

I looked for those kinds of women when I was a young mother - and my frustration led me to cry out to the Lord and ask Him to show me how to be a wife and mother His way - for my own family and for the generations of mothers who would come after me.

This is not to say I didn't have positive examples and good women in my life. I did. But they didn't necessarily have God's perspective on these issues. And the few who did didn't understand the doctrine behind it.

You wrote:

I agree with you that there is so little encouragement, teaching, and discipleship from older women to younger women but does that mean that every time an older woman encourages a younger woman by saying that the day is coming when there will be more to her life than diapers, is this wrong?

I think the better approach for the older woman would be to encourage the young woman that days of diapers are every bit as important as some imagined distant day in the future. What if that distant day never comes? We are not promised one more minute. I would rather tell a young mom that diaper days are critical, crucial and very important work.

It's interesting that your letter comes to me as I am keeping my grandson for a few days while my son and daughter-in-law are in Chicago for her brother's wedding. My life right now is diapers - yet so much more. The day has come for my life to be filled with diapers again. A young mother should be told that diapering is ministry - see, a woman's perspective needs to be adjusted rather than promising that some future day out there that supposedly is better. Even though older women don't mean to, they are sending the message that life with diapers is a nothing life. God knew what He was doing when Mary's older woman, Elizabeth, was diapering at the same time as she was. They were both doing kingdom work right then and there - not just preparing for the day when Jesus and John could be released and they could pursue other things. In fact we see Mary all throughout the life of Jesus - up to the cross and then in the Upper Room at Pentecost. Her mothering never ended. And since she had other children, it is safe to assume that she had plenty of grandchildren to diaper as she became the older woman of her generation.

Somehow we've got to get past the thinking that the only kingdom work is the big time or girlfriend time. While Mary mothered Jesus - it was quiet - but it was kingdom work. Only one young mother raised THE SAVIOR, but all the others are raising little "saviors" to be used of God in this wicked and perverse generation. None of us would have ever told Mary that "her day" was coming while she had the privilege of changing the diaper of Jesus.

And while we're speaking of diapers - what's wrong with that anyway? What's wrong with rocking and cuddling and answering 100+ questions, and wiping snotty noses, cleaning up throw-up, and playing blocks on the floor? This is kingdom work. And it's not just something to get through so you can get on to something bigger. This is big.

You wrote:

I am perusing your site and looking at the ministry you have to wives and mothers. The lady that you mentioned in your article that encouraged to hope for ministry...was she so terrible?

I knew her and her children. It is very sad what happened for the sake of "ministry." She was not terrible - but her perspective was.

You do have a wonderful ministry today.

My "ministry" today is just the broader scope of what I have always done. I learned to teach the Bible by teaching my own children, children in my neighborhood (CEF club), and children at church. The messages I teach today were first taught to children because I figured if God entrusted children to me (whether my own or the neighbor children who showed up at my door), He wanted me to take their little lives seriously. In fact, when the "ministry" to women in my church took shape, it was because younger women were asking me to teach mothering things. I sat down and asked the Lord to help me write what He had been teaching me so that I could invite them into my home and teach the Bible as it related to women. So, what you have been perusing on my site is the outgrowth of a 6-week Bible study in my home where my older children kept my younger ones upstairs.

When our church built our first building - the Bible study blossomed with my boys as the sound guys and as helpers in the children's ministry. Today my youngest son carries on the tradition - he's the only one of my children still at home. It truly was and is a family ministry. Every time I've been invited to teach at a woman's conference, or retreat, or banquet, my daughter has accompanied me - she was and is my very first "younger" woman. I remember once when I was driving up to speak on biblical modesty at a mother/daughter banquet, I saw the immodest women and panicked. How in the world were they going to tolerate what God wanted me to teach and what they had asked me to teach? I expressed that thought to my then high school daughter as I was trying to decide what other easier-to-hear message I could whip out. My own daughter challenged me, "Mom, these are the very women who NEED to hear this!"

Click HERE for Part IV

Women in Ministry - (Response Part II)

If you didn't get a chance to read Part I of Mrs. Broggi's response to my letter and questions, be sure and get caught up before reading today's post!

You wrote:

Could you please explain why your article specifically points to these women?

Because they are the big name teachers with huge followings.

You wrote:

Are you saying that their only teaching ministry should be one of ministry to women about a woman's role in the home?

No - God includes purity, kindness, and sensibility. Not to mention the very qualifications of the older women - reverent behavior, control of the tongue, and self-control. Everything a woman has learned as she has grown older should be passed down to the young women. But I will say that it is my observation that women today teach everything BUT a woman's role in the home.

You wrote:

Or are you saying that because women in audiences everywhere are glorifying these ladies, that these same women are themselves reveling in a ministry outside their families.

I cannot say that the women are "reveling in a ministry outside their families." But I do sense that we have a disturbing trend among Christian women that promotes a mindset that women must get away from their families on a consistent basis to be fulfilled and good and spiritual and all that. Frankly, I get sick and tired about all the "girlfriend time." I just got a brochure wanting me to promote a big girlfriend cruise so we can all laugh and have a good time and be refreshed. Why can't we teach women how to laugh and have a good time and be refreshed in the middle of what God has called us to do? I can't help but think of John the Baptist languishing in prison and sending two of his disciples to Jesus asking, "Are You the Expected One, or do we look for someone else?"

My heart breaks every time I think about that man sitting in that cell - all because He loved Jesus. Well, Jesus sent back an encouraging message to John - "Go and report to John what you have seen and heard: the BLIND RECEIVE SIGHT, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the POOR HAVE THE GOSPEL PREACHED TO THEM. Blessed is he who does not take offense at Me."

Jesus didn't release John from prison or "send him on a cruise to get away." Jesus sent an encouraging word - He let John know that John had not wasted his life - the message he spent his life preaching was right. This had to have been encouraging to John. This had to have brought him much joy and refreshment to him. And as you know, he was beheaded a short time later.
Please understand, I'm not saying that I don't love my girlfriends and that I don't enjoy being with them. But I want to love my family and enjoy being with them more. And I want to help young women find their joy in the Lord and in His priorities for their lives. I want to see them enjoying their husbands and children - and more than girlfriend time.

Also, my pastor husband along with many of his colleagues are concerned that about so many women who return from all these conferences wanting to be a speaker or Bible teacher like so-n-so or counting the days until the next big event - rather than being recharged to serve God in the most sacred place of home.

Another brochure I received a few years ago was called Global Celebration for Women. I was not impressed. It was all about exalting women, calling attention to women, celebrating women.

I think women's conferences can be good IF they focus on God's design for women as outlined in Scripture.

But at this conference there was not one workshop or main session devoted to biblical mothering, grandmothering, being a biblical wife, or the home. Why not?

Across the globe ~ MOST women are mothers and wives. If this was a global celebration for women ~ why not teach on this role that God has not only given to most women, but that most women have accepted?

Instead they were celebrating what God has done for women; they were rejoicing in women's contributions to kingdom building (perhaps they hit it there); they were motivating and valuing women in their giftedness; exciting women for evangelism (I personally believe that we need to excite women to evangelize their own children); and equipping women to touch the world.

Not a word about touching the world through raising a godly heritage. Mary and Elizabeth touched the world by raising their boys.

So yes, I am concerned about the Christian careerism/feminism that has infiltrated the church where even believing women are not convinced of the timelessness of God's Word as it concerns women's ministry.

Now it seems to be all about "getting away," "me time," "time with the girls" - it seems to be becoming the drive and focus of women's lives and even Christian women's lives - to an extreme.

The constant influx of these brochures try to pull me and the women in my church away from our homes and church responsibilities to attend some conference somewhere with a bunch of women - a conference that will cost us a lot of money and time away from the very place God has called us to be. Another one was offered last summer a couple of summers ago-
$114/person ($99.00 for groups of 4 or more), $29 for extra seminar, $29 for extra evening seminar, $12.00 for Praise and Worship concert, $12.00 for "Ask the experts" teen evening.

All this plus hotel, travel, meals . . . and time. No refunds. Please understand, I'm not saying that there's never a place for women's retreats or conferences but they should be geared to helping women do what God has called us to do. And they shouldn't be the drive and focus of a woman's life. Real ministry happens in the everyday, in the throws of what seems to be mundane - seeing, trusting, and believing God as we diaper babies, lose sleep, break up sibling fights, serve our husbands, clean our bathrooms, mentor young women walking through life.
We need a generation of older women who know doctrine - who know God's Word and can take it and show young women how it applies to their everyday lives.

Because I am a ministry wife with five children, I have done my homework in biblical women's ministry.

As a young woman growing up in a pastor's home, now as a pastor's wife, as a ministry wife serving alongside my husband through our years with Campus Crusade at Duke University, and our years at DTS and Southwestern Baptist Seminary where my husband earned his doctorate, my years of teaching children and high school girls, and as a mother teaching my own children, I know that the messages sent by the church seem to be the same ones sent by the world. I do not believe this is the intent of believers - yet this is what is happening.

Click HERE for Part III

Women in Ministry - (Response Part I)

In response to my letter and questions, Mrs. Broggi was kind enough to respond. Her response was quite lengthy so I will posting it in pieces over the next few days.

Dear Chrystal,

First of all, let me thank you for writing and for reading the article. You sound like a very perceptive young woman - the kind I would love to disciple and spend time with! I will try to answer some of your questions. Your concerns are italicized and then I give a response. And let me go ahead and warn you - this response is long. Smiles!

You wrote:

Although I understand and agree with the point that many women today are being encouraged into ministry primarily outside of their homes, how do Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and some of the others you mentioned directly contribute to this?

The focus of their ministries has not been through the lens of Titus 2. They do in practice what God calls men to do, thus contributing to women in the church being dissatisfied with their pastors and/or usurping their biblical authority. Their ministries also contribute to women seeking Christian careers outside of the home "like Beth" or "like Kay." Also, all of the women I mentioned in the article violate the clear teaching of 1 Timothy 2:9-15 and 1 Corinthians 14 in that they freely teach and exercise authority over men.

I know Beth and Kay personally. I know that Beth was home with her children and didn't start her public ministry until they were older, if not when they had graduated from high school. Kay Arthur personally told me that there are too many young mothers today abdicating their little ones for responsibilities outside the home. She has told my sister the same thing.

I have also heard both Kay & Beth include the message of motherhood and family in their messages. I'm not sure that I understand your criticism "Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area." I think they have. Is it their main ministry platform? No. Is that wrong? I don't think so.

I respectfully disagree with you. It's one thing to "include the message of motherhood and family" - it's quite another thing to teach from the grid of Titus 2. Every woman "Bible teacher" should teach through the Titus 2 lens. God gave the curriculum, not me. The book of Titus was written to tell us how a healthy church is to function. God is very specific in speaking about the pastors/elders qualifications and their leadership in chapter 1. He turns the corner in chapter 2 and addresses all the groups within the church - one of those groups being the older women. God calls that particular group to be the teachers/disciplers/encouragers/trainers of the young women. But God doesn't leave it "up for grabs" as to what they are to teach. He lays out His agenda. So whether an older woman teaches through a book of the Bible or on a specific topic to a group of women or whether she is discipling women one on one, she should teach how and what God has said. She is not to usurp the role of her pastor, elders, or husband in this area.

When women step outside of God's parameters, they open themselves up for deception. When God says that He doesn't permit a woman to teach and exercise authority over men, He links it to Eve and her being deceived. I do not necessarily believe that Mrs. Moore or Mrs. Arthur intentionally want to lead women astray but I do believe this is what is happening.

As you said, I'm sure they include the message of motherhood and family in their messages but including it is much different than speaking from the grid of the Titus 2 model. Look again at those verses in Titus - they are found right smack dab in the middle of Paul's letter telling Pastor Titus how the church is to function. He echoes the same truth when writing to Pastor Timothy. And it all fits with creation and Proverbs. God knows how He wants women's ministry to be carried out. And sometimes I wonder if His heart is grieved over how so many Christian women wish for something - anything other than what God has said. We're still listening to the evil one who whispers, "Did God really say that?"

Remember, the nature of deception is that you don't even know you're deceived.

My intent in writing the article was to get women to think about God's very clear teaching in His Word concerning His heart for women in ministry. I knew it was strong, edgy, and controversial (it shouldn't be controversial) and I thought at first my only audience would be my husband. He is the one who decided for it to be printed and posted.

I wrote it for a number of reasons. I see well-meaning passionate young women who want to be used of God neglecting their homes or feeling guilty because they are not "out there." God never calls us to ministry in contradiction to His Word. God doesn't speak extra-biblical revelation to us. His Word never changes and it transcends time and culture. So as women, we have to answer the question, "What does God's Word say about women's ministry and how it is to function?" As a woman whom God has gifted to teach His Word, I had to ask questions like, "Are there parameters God places on me?"

I don't want to step outside of His will - not for one moment!

As women, we must bring ourselves and our ministries in line with His Word.

You wrote:

I think that teaching on mothering and homemaking is best done one on one anyway. How much can you really learn in an arena filled with 20,000 about cooking healthy meals or nursing babies, or child discipline. The discipleship model works best for this don't you think?

Depends on what you mean by mothering and homemaking and depends on whether an arena filled with 20,000 is all that great. I personally teach women all the time (though I would rather teach children any day of the week, smiles) and I have taught books of the Bible and topics but I teach so women can take the truth of God's Word and apply it to their homes and families and/or in their single life. And just for the record, I believe every woman, whether married or not, needs to understand and know what God says about mothering, being a wife, home and family. As women grow older, it is their God-given responsibility to teach the young women. Nancy DeMoss is a wonderful godly example of a woman who is single yet has done her homework in this area. She does teach through the lens of Titus 2.

Also, to assume that mothering and homemaking is only about cooking healthy meals, nursing babies, and child discipline is missing the point. Mothering and homemaking are best and rightly understood through a sound foundation of biblical doctrine and applying that doctrine to every area of life.

Click HERE for Part II!

Women in Ministry - (My Letter to Ms. Broggi)

OK...Before reading this post make sure you read this blog post first.

If you are all caught up on things....then...here is the full text of my letter to Mrs. Broggi:

Dear Mrs. Broggi,

I just read your article from Spring/Summer 2006 on Women in Ministry. First of all, let me say that from a principle standpoint I agree wholeheartedly with the point that you make about the ministry of women in the home. After reading, I don't know how else to describe how I feel except to say I'm "on fire". There is a connection of sorts because you mentioned that your husband went to DTS. My Dad went too. He was actually the first African-American to receive his doctorate from the seminary and I was the seminary baby :). Also my sister is a DTS graduate.

My heart bleeds for mothers and for the lost love and art of mothering. I could go into more detail about how I am currently working to expose Moms I know to the message you so eloquently share on your website. But rather than talk about me any longer, I wanted to ask you some questions about your article. There were a few spots where I wasn't clear on some of the information you presented. I have already forwarded to my Mommy Friends (we have a small little online network where we encourage and support one another). In passing along your message, I want to make sure that I understand some things.

Let me reiterate, I agree with your article, but I do have questions about a few of your points.

Although I understand and agree with the point that many women today are being encouraged into ministry primarily outside of their homes, how do Beth Moore, Kay Arthur, and some of the others you mentioned directly contribute to this? I know Beth and Kay personally. I know that Beth was home with her children and didn't start her public ministry until they were older, if not when they had graduated from high school. Kay Arthur personally told me that there are too many young mothers today abdicating their little ones for responsibilities outside the home. She has told my sister the same thing.

I have also heard both Kay & Beth include the message of motherhood and family in their messages. I'm not sure that I understand your criticism "Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area." I think they have. Is it their main ministry platform? No. Is that wrong? I don't think so. I think that teaching on mothering and homemaking is best done one on one anyway. How much can you really learn in an arena filled with 20,000 about cooking healthy meals or nursing babies, or child discipline. The discipleship model works best for this don't you think?

Could you please explain why your article specifically points to these women? Are you saying that their only teaching ministry should be one of ministry to women about a woman's role in the home? Or are you saying that because women in audiences everywhere are glorifying these ladies, that these same women are themselves reveling in a ministry outside their families. I'm not sure that I am connecting that principle you are presenting in your article with these women and the way they are currently living their lives, running their ministries, and delivering their messages. Can you clarify?

Also, there are ministries out there that EXIST to encourage women in the role of mothering....Above Rubies, MOPS, Proverbs 31, Donna Otto, to name a few. They might not all do it perfectly, but their sole purpose is to encouragement women in their role as wives/mothers. Your article pointed so much to what was wrong in Christendom, but there are some people trying to counterbalance the negativity surrounding our role as women.

I agree with you that there is so little encouragement, teaching, and discipleship from older women to younger women but does that mean that everytime an older woman encourages a younger woman by saying that the day is coming when there will be more to her life than diapers, is this wrong? I am perusing your site and looking at the ministry you have to wives and mothers. The lady that you mentioned in your article that encouraged to hope for ministry...was she so terrible? You do have a wonderful ministry today. Although, I'm sure she could have encouraged you in what you were doing AND also encouraged you to look towards days without little ones, isn't it possible that her heart was right? Maybe she already saw in you the call you felt for mothering. Maybe she thought that you didn't need encouragement because you were already doing such a good job. I don't know that woman or her intention but I do know my Mom. She was home with me and encourages me now in my role as a wife and a mother, but it also does give me additional hope when she talks of how my gifts and talents will CONTINUE to be used for my family and others later in life. I don't view her encouragement as a put down on mothering at all. She is encouraging me regarding different seasons of my life.

Maybe your article is so condemning of women who tell mother's about future ministry because in your experience that is all there is....maybe in your experience there are hardly ANY older women encouraging mothers to be at home with their children and to give their families their all. When I read your article I understood, yet also bristled because in MY experience, I have had a balanced message. I hear that I am doing the most important thing and that when I have more time later that I might also use this ministry to encourage others - other mothers as well as other Christians in general.

I am a praise and worship leader at my church. I used to lead 1-2 Sundays a month. Now I lead maybe 2-3 times a year. I don't continue to lead because I am looking for some outside fulfillment but because it is my passion and I believe it is a gift from God. I use it in my home AND I use it to edify the body of Christ as my home responsibilities and my husband allows. I love my home and love my kids. When we rehearse, I have singers come to my home so that I can rehearse AFTER my babies are sleeping. So I get your point. I'm just not sure that I understand all of the assumptions you make regarding these specific "big name" ministries and well-meaning older ladies. It seems a bit harsh.

Maybe it should be....maybe because there are so many unbalanced women out there, you feel the need to shake them up a bit. I just feel like your article makes a great point and conclusion using data that may not be complete or that is one-sided. The article carries such a positive message but from such a negative argument. It makes the point hard to hear because I have to shuffle through things that I'm not sure are completely true (1. The big name ladies aren't supportive of mothering and family first and 2. All older women encouraging younger women devalue motherhood just because they point toward that one day the younger women will be more free to minister to others.)

Can't we have both? Can't we have women who have raised their children helping us go deeper in the Word. Can't we have older women helping us to learn our jobs as mothers and giving us hope that one day we will have the option of doing other things as the Lord leads?

Maybe your point is that we should have both but that our Christian society of women DON'T generally do both? OK...I'm rambling but I think you get my point.

OK... there is one more thing I wanted to ask...

When talking about Mrs. Lotz and Mrs. Briscoe, you discuss their frustration with mothering. Although I get your point about how they were not encouraged to find joy and fulfillment in mothering, do you honestly feel as though every women will LOVE IT? My sister struggles. She loves her children, she loves her family, but she doesn't love the job of mothering. After reading the article, it seems that you leave no room for women of all makes and temperaments. I do believe that mothering is a choice. I know older ladies that gave their children their all, but they are glad that season is over with. They don't miss the diapers, the dirty dishes, or constant laundry....but they were diligent and committed during that season.

Let me reiterate I agree with all of your principles. I just thought I bring to your attention some spots where the article left me a little unsteady about assumption made about other women in ministry, intentions of older women, and the feelings a woman may have, even as she follows God's leading.

I know I have rambled. I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to email me back as well as call if an email would take too long. Also, feel free to leave me your number if you'd like for me to foot the bill (I am in Texas). Rest assured, I am not a crazy lady. I sincerely want to understand some of the finer points of your article. Thanks for taking the time to read this email. God bless you in the work you are doing to draw mothers back to the original call and plan of God.

I typed this in a hurry. The babies are sleeping and I need to start dinner but I really wanted to pose my questions to you. Excuse any grammar mishaps or awkward sentences.

Grateful to be living my life,

Chrystal

Stay tuned for Mrs. Broggi's responses...I'll be posting a little bit each day throughout the week. She was gracious enough to respond but it was LONG so I won't post it all in one day. If you just want to read all of it at once - just go HERE.

Audrey Broggi on Women in Ministry

First of all a warning. Only read this post if you don't mind being challenged in your thinking because this will either make you extremely angry or provoke you to think and seek the Lord for yourself.

A few weeks ago, I was perusing around blogland and found my way to a blog (I don't remember which one) that had a link to a post authored by Mrs. Audrey Broggi. I read the post and was immediately struck by the straightforward and pointed tone she used in her article to make her thoughts clear to anyone who would read. My emotions ran the gamut as I tried to filter through the article. In fact, I was so moved and a bit confused at times by the article that I sent a letter to Mrs. Broggi asking MANY questions in relation to things she stated. Mrs. Broggi was kind enough to respond to that letter. Mrs. Broggi has since read both my letter on her radio show and answered my questions publicly for others to hear. I'll post the response first thing next week. I am posting her article today, and later my questions with her responses - both with her permission.

Let me warn you again. This post will probably cause extreme agreement or, for many of you, extreme disagreement. I would encourage you to seek to understand why you feel the way you do after reading the article. Take a second look at yourself, your assumptions, convictions, and your opinions in light of the goal of glorifying God with the life you live. Please know that I do not have some hidden agenda or "holier than thou" point to make. I'm just a girl, wearing grown woman's shoes, who is seeking to live out God's plan for my life in full.

OK...(deep breath)...here we go...

This Women in Ministry Thing
Spring/Summer 2006 Edition
Apr 18 2006

Before you read this journal, let me say something. I don't have a personal problem with Jill Briscoe or Ann Graham Lotz or Beth Moore or Kay Arthur or any of the rest of the celebrity women Bible teachers. I'm sure they love the Lord - I don't doubt their zeal for a moment. However, I strongly disagree with their ministry lifestyles and how they model such lifestyles for young women. I believe they are wrong and are (though perhaps unintentionally) having a negative influence on the family. I pray for them because their influence is huge and it encourages a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture even if that is not what they mean to do. Though it seems at times that I am a lone voice, and though you may not like what you’re about to read, this is the way I see it.

OK. Everyone relaxed? Now continue reading if you don't mind being challenged:

This whole “women in ministry thing” bugs me to death. I just read, with great disappointment Dallas Theological Seminary’s Veritas publication, Vol. 5, No. 2 April 2005.

Here is Jill Briscoe - the confessing egalitarian that she is – addressing men and dare I say, women, who are preparing for ministry at DTS’ Chafer Chapel on October 20, 2004. I will come back to Jill Briscoe in a moment. But I want to set the stage first.

This issue of women in ministry is very disturbing to me for a number of reasons. The first being I thought Dallas Seminary took the biblical view of women in ministry. My husband received his ThM from said school in 1988. I was busy helping him, keeping our home, raising our two toddler boys, giving birth to our daughter and subsequently our 3rd son. Yes, that would be 4 children in all – yes in seminary – and yes without my seeking employment outside the home and yes, we were determined to do it God’s way. We somehow didn’t think while preparing for a ministry profession we should practice a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture. What a novel thought. Oh, I earned some extra income Proverbs 31-style from the home but neither my husband nor I were willing for me to give up my primary ministry in the home. How could we teach others to obey God if we saw ourselves as “exceptions” during our seminary years? And that brings me back to why the “women in ministry” thing bugs me to death.

I guess I got my first taste of being bugged when a nice older “ministry” lady, during those days came up to me and said, “Someday, when your children are all tucked away, perhaps you can have a ministry too.” I guess, in my ignorance, I thought I was having ministry as I helped my husband, mothered our children, and kept house. Silly me. I had four little children and they seemed to need me. Carl was very busy in seminary and serving as Pastor of Evangelism at a large church, and he had just been asked to head up the Executive Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. And I was quite content teaching the Bible to my children, leading them to Christ, having them as my disciples and doing “ministry” from my kitchen sink, the playground, the supper table, and the back yard. You know, from the home. Didn’t know that this wasn’t real ministry.

I attended a “strategic planning meeting” with Carl in one of the exclusive hotels in Dallas because we were going to start a Bible study for executives and plan evangelistic outreach dinner parties with the “up-and-outers” in the Dallas Community. It was as we walked to the elevator after the meeting that the woman took my hand in hers and encouraged me to hope for a ministry one day.

She certainly didn’t encourage me as a mother. No – in fact, had I not had deep convictions rooted in Scripture, I might have been tempted to think that what I was doing at home had no ministry significance whatsoever.

See, a woman like me fulfilling her God-given role at home was obviously not ministry according to this older woman and the rest of the Christian world. I was getting the message – though I was not going to give in. The stakes were too high. The only thing that seemed to matter to this Christian “ministry” woman and so many others like her was outside the home. Doing stuff outside the home, ministering to other women – really ministering to anybody other than a husband and children ~ was the only real ministry.

And didn’t I know that I couldn’t learn the Bible by teaching it to my own children or children in my neighborhood or children at church?

That kind of stuff ~ well, that was OK ~ but it was not where the action was. It certainly wasn’t where REAL ministry took place. REAL ministry would happen someday when my children were all tucked away – you know, out of my hair and out of my house.

Hmmm. What that nice older woman didn’t realize was that her words would pierce my heart and further me on my journey to study God’s Word about “women in ministry.”

See, the family can always take the back seat ~ even for the sake of “the call.” You know what they say, “God will take care of the children for the sake of ministry.”

This is the mindset ~ home and family, domestic things, you know things like preparing meals, cleaning, doing laundry, educating the children – all that stuff – is in the way of ministry, those things interfere with your walk with God, and certainly all that stuff gets in the way of fun and personal time.

The mindset in our American Culture, even among believers, is that we must “get rid of” the domestic scene to have ministry.

Hmmm, again. If that’s true, makes me wonder why God spends so much time in His word instructing in these domestic issues.

After all, He is One Who made woman to be a helper suitable for her husband and called her “mother” right in Genesis. He is the Author of Proverbs 31 and showed us how domestic she was and that it should be her husband and children who would call her blessed. At least, they are the ones who should call her blessed.

I guess somewhere along the way, Christian women decided to listen to Betty Friedan and decided they’d rather have the corporate world, or the “real ministry” world, or the girl’s club, or all the women out there call them blessed.

Yet Scripture is oh so clear. God is also the One Who said He wanted young widows to get married, bear children, and keep house in keeping with the role of young women. He is the One Who described a godly older woman as someone who has brought up children and been the wife of one man among other things. He’s the One Who said He wants women to be workers at home and included a laundry list (no pun intended) of 6 other domestic duties in Titus 2:3-5.

And guess who are supposed to teach the women how to do these domestic things? Surprise! Older women. Hmmmm for the third time, I think that’s a tough sell in our day of “ministry women.” Oh the older will clamor to teach all right – they’ll teach like the men – but the list in Titus? Isn’t that a little, um, sexist?

I mean, how can you teach something you’ve never done or that you don’t believe is all that important?

Think about it. If you do women’s ministry God’s way, will you be traveling all over the country (and/or world) consistently leaving the domestic scene? Will you be “put up” in nice hotels and receive per diem for your meals? Will you get top billing with men to whom you are not married?

I don’t think so. And you won’t have a million dollar publishing industry pushing you to an adoring public, you won’t be a celebrity – except to little fans who ask you for more than your autograph and a picture – they want you to read a story. And you certainly won’t have a personal assistant making your appointments and answering your correspondence unless, of course, you train your children to do it and then they will grow up leaving you to fend for yourself. Nope – better employ some other mothers to do those things so you are freed up and they can have “real ministry” too.

And you won’t get to leave your home for extended times of “seclusion” so you can “hear from God” and write Bible studies to tell women how to live in His presence. Imagine that. You’ll have to learn to hear from God and live in His presence while making sandwiches for toddlers who like peanut butter. You’ll have to lunch with a 4-year-old who asks how stars stay in the sky rather than discuss your husband with board members at Starbucks.

You’ll have to settle for a relaxed wardrobe rather than Kate Spade or Prada or Marc Jacobs. You won’t have a stage or bright lights or a worship band unless you count your kitchen table, a few flashlights on a dark night, and kids singing.

You know, I once went to Precept Training Institute or whatever it is that they call it. I was a young pastor’s wife, 31 years old, with 4 small children. The women in our church wanted a women’s Bible study and they asked me to teach it.

I wasn’t really sure if this was the right time of my life to be doing this but I sought the training – I wanted to do it right. I will never forget pulling out of my driveway that Friday night (the training would begin in the evening and last all day on Saturday) and seeing my little boy Grant, who was 2, crying his eyes out. My heart ached. But I was going to be trained for “ministry.” I was told my child would “get over it because this was ministry and it was worth it.” Who propagated that lie? I believe it was Hannah who chose not to go to the feast after Samuel was born and that is exactly the time she exulted God and He recorded it in Scripture for all of us to read. I haven’t regretted too much over the years of raising my children – but that evening leaving Grant is one I do regret.

It wasn’t worth it. And I have to tell you – not once did those older women who led the training speak to me or any other of the young mothers there about seasons of life, about the priority of home and family. Not once did they challenge me about God’s very specific instructions in His Word about the high and holy ministry of home and family. Not once.

Yet that’s exactly what God says the older women are to teach the younger women. That laundry list in Titus doesn’t get top billing at a woman’s ministry conference.

Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area. They seem to see the years of raising a family as something to “get through” till you can get to real ministry. Nice older ministry ladies.

It is so sad.

To further make this point, I read with dismay an article in Christianity Today about Ann Graham Lotz on this very issue. Perhaps you know that at 18, she married Dan Lotz, a dentist and former University of North Carolina basketball star. By 21, she had three children and felt stifled:

"It is just being in a small home and small children, small little toys and small little words, and you just feel trapped," she recalled.

"I wasn't handling it very well. I was losing my temper. I wasn't patient. I wasn't kind. I wasn't loving. I wasn't the kind of mother ... my mother is."

She decided she needed to fix her "relationship with God." When Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh didn't have a Bible study class she could attend, she started one.

I read the article with great sadness as I wondered, “Where were the godly older women in her life who could help her fix her “relationship with God.”

Where were the ones God commanded to help young women know how to biblically love husbands and children? Where were the ones who could help her see home as ministry?

I know where they were – they were listening to the call of Woman Folly. The woman personified in Proverbs who calls out to the naïve, “Turn in here.” Christian women in the 50’s and 60’s listened and neglected the home, the family, and turned to other “gods.” Armed with college degrees, a growing women’s movement, birth control, reproductive freedom and I-don’t-need-a-man mentality; some sought careers, others sought playtime and leisure, while others were bored finding new ways of freeing themselves from responsibility.

All seemed to think home was drudgery. So a young woman is overwhelmed by little children? Find childcare; let someone else raise your little intruders while you fill your life with meaning. One such woman who decided to leave the home for a career was offended when her own father asked, “But who will take care of the children?” Christian women found childcare all right – down at the local conservative church. These women were encouraged by the “Christians” who would provide that “family” environment for the children who only wanted Mama. Some of these women weren’t pursuing careers though and they weren’t out doing all the godless things – no way – they were having Bible study 24/7 while the church daycare or the schools (Christian and public) were raising the children.

SAD.

As my blood boils over such things, I read Jill Briscoe’s article in Veritas. Remember I told you I’d come back to it. And I think you’ll see why. She writes:

“So suddenly I found myself with three kids and my husband gone for 10 months of the year for 10 years, and I had run out. I had become a ministry widow. After a bit, fortunately, I cried out to my “Elijah” – my Elijah was the wife of Major Thomas.

So I went to her, and I remember it took me a long time to swallow my pride and say, ‘I have had it, I am bankrupt; I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m not the good little missionary wife I thought I was. I want my husband back. They think I am a widow every time I go and watch the soccer games. I can’t do it.’

I expected her to take well-worn Bible verses and hit me over the head with them, but she didn’t.”

So – here we have the picture – a young wife and mother seeking an older wife and mother for godly counsel about her life. Good, this is the way it should be . . . but what kind of counsel does Mrs. Thomas give?

“Instead she said, ‘It is hard, isn’t it?’
‘It is over ‘hard,’’ I replied. ‘I haven’t got it. Nothing is left.’

She looked at me and said, ‘Oh, yes, you have the little pot of oil, Jill.’ Then Mrs. Thomas took a deep breath (and she told me afterward that she took a big risk) and said, ‘I’m going to send you a couple of Bible students tonight, and I want you to go out with the outreach team. You have been shut up in that little lodge with three small children, you are away from everything that is happening, and you haven’t been involved in anything your heart loves.’”

I couldn’t believe it – oh wait – I can believe it. She describes a woman in the home exactly the way satan himself would want.

“Shut up with three small children. (They’re pains, aren’t they?) “Away from everything that is happening.” (Not much to mold and shape in the home – nothing happening there, right?) “Not involved in anything her heart loves.” (Not much to love in the home, either, right?)

The first time I read Mrs. Thomas’ reply to this then young woman, I was so angry. I still am. But this explains so much. And it explains why Mrs. Briscoe, years later, could write for www.parsonage.org:

“A mother needs to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.”

Really? I have 5 children and it has been their stimulation, their curiosity, their questions that have kept me fresh and up on things. And my spiritual education? Their questions alone have driven me to God’s Word. Real questions such as: “Who made God? How do the stars stay in the sky, does God glue them?” “What happens to our stuff when we die?” “Will Jesus come to the ground again?” “Before I was born, did you always want a Jordan?” Where was I before I was born?” “Do dogs and cats go to heaven?” “Why does Daddy put people in the water?” “What does God look like?” “Since Jesus lives in our hearts, when we eat food, does it drop on His head?” “How did you know I was lying?”

Intellectual education? "Why did the people leave England? What does infinity mean? I love you infinity times, mommy. Tell me about the Alamo. Explain long division again. Why do people kill babies in their tummies? How did the first people get chicken pox? Why do I have to get shots? Why does the spider’s egg sac look like a paper bag? How come . . . why . . .when . . ."

But didn’t I know, “When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them?”

I thought that was nonsense when my children were little and I think it is even more nonsense today. Frankly, I would rather think, eat, and talk like a lot of children I know ~ childlike wonder, trust, dependence, hope, excitement, ~ rather than some of the adults I know ~ cranky, cynical, distrust, moody, depressed

Jesus’ words ring in my head ~ “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

But didn’t I know that, “Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things?”

What is it that I need to be up on that I can’t be up on if children are around? I should be up on the world and teach my children about the world. Listen, it is and has been through the teaching and instruction of my children, both intellectually and spiritually, that has kept me fresh and up on things.

And lest you think this is the mindset of just Mrs. Briscoe, Mrs. Thomas, Mrs. Moore, and Mrs. Lotz, think again. This is the mindset of thousands of Christian women. I get so many invitations to women’s ministry events for women leaders and NOT ONCE do they teach about the roles for women God has outlined in Scripture. How can they?

Since when did God say that children shut you up, keep you away from all that is happening, and not involved in anything your heart loves? Never, not once. You search all of Scripture and you’ll never find that kind of thought. In fact, you’ll find just the opposite. See, God says that children are fruit of the womb, blessings, rewards, arrows in the hand of a warrior. Oh, Christians will affirm that truth with their lips – but their hearts are very far from it. It’s no wonder God says that young women need to be taught to love their children.

Imagine if another young woman in another time had come to Mrs. Thomas or Mrs. Briscoe or Mrs. Lotz for advice. Would they have said, “You have been shut up in that stable with a small baby, away from everything that is happening and not involved in anything your heart loves?” Would they have encouraged her to seek adult interaction? Would they have indulged her sense of “feeling stifled?” Would they have told her to start a Bible Study and put her child in the Synagogue daycare? Would they have encouraged Mary to find fulfillment somewhere else other than where God had placed her?

I doubt it. But it’s happening all over our nation. Women Bible teachers – women in ministry are giving lousy advice to the next generation. If you’re a young mother – better watch out.

It’s a good thing Mary had Elizabeth. And it’s a good thing Mary knew the Word of God – His word alone quiets the frustrations of a young mother and causes her soul to exult in Him.

And nowadays – that’s all we have.

To read my letter with questions for Mrs. Broggi, click HERE.